| Series Name | |
| Season 1, Episode 10a | |
| Air date | September 17, 2005 |
| Written by | Unknwon |
| Directed by | Unknown |
| Episode Guide | |
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The Usual Insects is the first segment of the 10th episode of The Buzz on Maggie.
Plot
Maggie's, Eugene's, Wendell's, Rayna's, Gym Shorts Kid's & Melvin the Stinkbug's school records are sabotaged when Dawn becomes office assistant giving her access to the school records department which also gives her access to change others records without permission.
Trivia
- The episode is a spoof of The Usual Suspects.
Quotes
- Mrs. Wingston: Alright, people! Friday's our class trip to Raging Gutters Water Park.
- (cheering)
- Mrs. Wingston: So, let's see your permission slips.
- Rayna: Ooh, I Can't wait, girl! Soakin' up the sun, slidin' down the storm drain.
- Maggie: Ker...
- Rayna: splash!
- Popular fly student #1: Ew, yuck! We'll have to share water with the wannabes!
- Popular fly student #2: They'll stink up the trip, and not in a good way.
- Dawn: Not if they can't get on the bus.
- Mrs. Wingston: Maggie, your permission slip.
- Maggie: Voila.
- Mrs. Wingston: Hm, looks like there's a mark on your permanent record!
- Maggie: Eh, probably made honor roll. Let's uh, (whispers) keep it on the QT. No need to shame the others.
- Mrs. Wingston: Hm, it says here you pulled a phony fire drill.
- Maggie: What?! But-but that's not true!
- Rayna: Maggie'd never do that!
- Mrs. Wingston: Very convincing coming from someone who wrote the answers to the Latin final ON HER WINGS!!
- Rayna: Say what?! Our school don't even offer Latin!
- Mrs. Wingston: Sorry, ladies, but you'll be spending Friday in detention. Oh, and according to this, so will you, you, YOU, and you.
- Maggie: But Mrs. Wingston, there must be some mistake!
- Dawn: This is my favorite part. (sees a tear fall from Maggie's left eye in joy) Ker... splash. (evil chuckle)
- (overlapping chatter)
- Peststrip: Sh-sh-sh-sh-shush. Sorry, folks. The permanent record never lies.
- Maggie: But Principal Peststrip, none of us did any of those things!
- Peststrip: And who do you expect me to believe, huh? You, who have every reason to lie to me or this innocent little manilla folder? (talking to his folder) You wouldn't lie to me, would you? (high-pitched) No, never, Mr. P. Never.
- Rayna: Don't you think you'd remember if Maggie pulled a phony fire drill?
- Peststrip: I suppose so. Tell you what. I'll check with my new office aide. Dawn, could you come in here a moment, please?
- Maggie: Dawn?!
- Dawn: Yes, your principal-ness, sir?
- Peststrip: Oh, my (clears throat) Uh, I need to know if there have been any unauthorized changes to the permanent record of late.
- Dawn: Not that I know of, sir.
- Maggie: She's lying! She put those totally untrue things into our records!
- All: Yeah!
- Maggie: Sir, Dawn's responsible.
- Peststrip: Dawn, is this true?
- Dawn: Gosh, I don't know. Maybe you should check my permanent record.
- Peststrip: Hm. Hm. It says her, "Dawn would never change a permanent record." Well, I guess that settles it.
- Maggie: But she wrote that!
- Peststrip: The permanent record never lies, Maggie!
- Eugene: Darn! I was cannonball off the high dive.
- Wendell: No, you weren't.
- Eugene: Well, I-I might have.
- Maggie: Guys, guys, we can't just stand by and let Dawn get away with this.
- Rayna; Oh, sure we can, if the permanent record says so.
- Maggie: Hey, that's it! Peststrip says the record's word is final, right? Well, if Dawn can change it one way, we can change it back.
- Melvin: We can? How?
- Maggie: By breaking in and fixing our records so they're right again.
- Rayna: Break in? But Maggie, that is stooping to Dawn's level. Haven't you ever heard the old saying, "Two wrongs don't make a right?"
- Maggie: But Rayna, there's another saying. One wrong that fixes another wrong restores balance to the universe.
- Eugene: Maggie, come on, gal, think this through. Have you seen Peststrip's records' room?
- Wendell: The security's tighter than a pair of Gym Shorts Kid's gym shorts!
- Gym Shorts Kid: (shorts snaps) Oh, yeah.
- Maggie: But we've got all the elements for a job like this. The charismatic glitter, and that's me. Brains. Master of disguise.
- Rayna: Huh?
- Maggie: Stinkbug firepower.
- Melvin: Ahh. (farts)
- Maggie: And, uh, Gym Shorts Kid. All we need is a good plan.
- Rayna: Okay. If we gon' do this, we gon' do this right. We gon' need 20 feet of rope, a medicine ball and a (incomprehensible). First up, the test run.
- (yelling)
- Rayna: This worked a lot better in my head.
- Maggie: We need a professional. Okay, Snap. You're our man. What do you got?
- Snap: Blueprints to Buzzdale Academy. Nicked 'em from the file cabinet.
- Maggie: "Nick" is tough-guy slang for "took without permission." Is this guy the real deal or what?
- Rayna: I don't know. He's just the type Dawn would get mixed up with.
- Snap: Ha! I wish.
- Maggie: First task: intelligence. The only way into the records' room is with a keycard. Peststrip trusts one filer--Dawn. Gym Shorts, we'll need 5 minutes to get in, get the key, and swap for this--a worthless library card.
- Gym Shorts Kid: No problemo!
- Maggie: Rayna, we'll need you to impersonate Dawn. Can you do it?
- Rayna: (imitating Dawn) How's this?
- Maggie: Work on it.
- Gym Shorts Kid: (whispers) Three seconds to Dawn's lipstick break. 3, 2, 1.
- Dawn: What are you doing in the teachers' lounge?
- Gym Shorts Kid: Uh, uh, uh, I-I brought you lunch! My mom sent sandwiches! They're crustless.
- Rayna: The bug is in the jar. Repeat. The bug is in the jar.
- Maggie: Excellent. All set, Snap?
- Snap: We roll at midnight.
- Eugune: Okay, we timed it. He stirs around the campus every 53.5 seconds.
- Wendell: If we wait for him to pass, then we've nearly a minute to move. If my calculations hold, and I believe they will...
- Snap: Ugh. New plan!
- Melvin: Whoa!
- Firefly guard: Hey!
- Melvin: (Snap jumps on his stomach) Oh!
- Firefly guard: (gasps, blows whistle flatly)
- Rayna: Hey! Nobody said we was gon' stink a guard! He's gone too far!
- Maggie: That may be, Rayna, but you can't un-stink a man once he's stunk.
- Rayna: I want out, I tell ya!
- Maggie: Too late, kid. We all got the stink on us now.
- Snap: Wait a second! Step back. Girls, I need hairspray. Who's got hairspray?
- Maggie: Huh?
- Gym Shorts Kid: (chukcles)
- Snap: Lasers! One false move and we trip the alarm. Ok. Easy now. Easy.
- Eugene: Ha! Ho! Ha! Hee! Ha-ha
- Snap: Hold up. Hear something?
- Melvin: Um, check out the chandelier. (electricity crackling)
- Maggie: Nobody look!
- Rayna: A bug zapper?!
- Snap: This wasn't on any of the charts!
- Rayna: We'll never be able to resist its seductive glow!
- Eugune: There's a far switch on the far wall. We just need to flip it. I think I can do it. Light... So pretty... So blue.
- All: NO, EUGENE!
- Maggie: You okay?
- Eugene: I couldn't do it. Light too beautiful.
- Snap: I've got an idea. It'll take sacrifice, but after we've through, I'm willing.
- Maggie: No, Snap, that...
- (Gym Shorts Kid screams, loud zapping)
- Rayna: Gym Shorts, no!
- Snap: He's alright. At least a sacrifice broke it.
- Gym Shorts Kid: (coughs) Give these (takes his shorts off) to Dawn.
- Dawn: Ew, put your shorts back on.
- Maggie: Dawn?! But how?!
- Dawn: Snap tipped me off.
- Rayna: I told you he was the kind of guy Dawn would get mixed up with!
- Maggie: Why, Snap? Why?
- Snap: How else I am gonna score time with a hottie like that, huh?
- Maggie: But why nab us here? Why not change our records back tomorrow?
- Dawn: Don't you see? The made-up stuff keeps you off one class trip. But this? This'll keep you off the next fifty! Especially with proof. Smile big. This one's for Peststrip. Say "Endless summer school!"
- Maggie: Wait, Dawn! Drop it or...
- Dawn: Or what?
- Maggie: Lookie here. Swatworthy, Dawn. Be a shame if I accidentally added something to it.
- Dawn: You wouldn't.
- Maggie: A permanent marker for the permanent record. See, Dawn? How does it feel when someone stoops to your level? (gasps) Wait, I'm stooping to Dawn's level.
- Rayna: Stoop, baby! If there was ever a time to stoop, NOW IS THE TIME!
- Maggie: No! I may be a lot of things, but I'm not you.
- (zap, all gasp)
- Snap: Time to go, sunshine.
- Eugene: I calculate we've got two minutes 'til security shows.
- Melvin: Wait! What about our records?!
- Rayna: Too late!
- Maggie: No! Go! I'll stay behind and erase the stuff Dawn added.
- Rayna: Maggie, you can't--
- Maggie: Fly, you fools!
- Peststrip: Miss Pesky, I'm afriad this won't look good on your permanent record.
- Gym Shorts Kid: I'm gonna cannonball off the high dive!
- Eugene: And I'm gonna... think about it.
- Rayna: Y'all! Guys, please! Let's just say we pour out a little juice for our homie, who didn't make it.
- Wendell: Word.
- Dawn: Detention?! I'm telling you, it's a frame-up! Why would I change people's records without checking with you first?!
- Peststrip: I'm sorry, Dawn, but the permanent record... never lies. (slams door)
- Dawn: You!
- Maggie: Huh?
- Dawn: Don't play innocent! You changed my record to get me busted! Whatever happened to "I'm not you?"
- Maggie: I didn't. I swear.
- Dawn: Yeah, right! Who else would want me here?
- Snap: (whistles) Yo, springtime! Saved you a seat.